The Island of Grief

Jesus often used parables to present his ideas. This is partially because humans remember narratives better than simple admonishments. The story of the Good Samaritan encourages us to help others in a more profound way than a directive to be good. 

If we were to offer an analogy regarding the loss of someone we love, what might that story sound like? 

Experiencing the death of someone we care about is like being involved in a shipwreck. One day we are sailing along, making our way through life, when all of a sudden we get marooned on a deserted island. 

Photo by CONNOR WIEGMANN on Unsplash

This isn't a charming, vacation destination; this is Grief Island.

As we emerge from the wreckage and crawl onshore we realize that we are in a terrible situation. First, we are all alone on this island. No matter how many people were traveling with us before the tragedy. and no matter how many people have been affected by the loss, each of us will be castaways on our own isolated island of suffering.

You've probably been told that no two people grieve in the same way. While this may be true, the fact of the matter is that people often respond to loss in one of two ways. First, there are those who try to stay busy in order to avoid the grief process. These people typically want to get over their loved one's death as quickly as possible. Often times they've bought in to the American notion that the discussion of mortality must be avoided and that the best thing to do when experiencing loss is to move on.

 

Photo by Benjamin Behre on Unsplash

In our shipwreck analogy, these are the castaways who upon reaching the beach almost immediately create a raft out of tree branches and long vines. The irony is that as soon as these people crawl out of the sea, they look for ways to get back into it. They are convinced that the sooner they can get away from Grief Island the better off they will be. But of course, their hastily constructed raft has no hope of getting them anywhere. As soon as they launch it, it begins to fall apart. The wind and the waves tauntingly blow it around the island until it finally gets smashed against the shore. In the end, the castaway is not only exhausted, but demoralized and defeated.

Photo by Alex Voulgaris on Unsplash

The other type of survivor takes a much more passive approach. On arriving on the island, this individual immediately lays down and falls asleep in the sand. They are in shock and they believe that there is nothing they can do to be rescued from their grief. Ultimately, they get sunburned and dehydrated. With sand in their eyes, they too become demoralized and defeated.

The solution to escaping Grief Island is to avoid both of these common mistakes. The best approach is a paradoxical one. As a wise castaway, we need to be patient and to trust God. We must accept that many things are out of our control. And yet, the survivor must also take action. We must commit ourselves to engage in practices that will help us get off Grief Island. Just as the castaway should create an SOS sign that can be seen from the air, set a signal fire at night, and set up a protective shelter, the grief survivor needs to consider what they can do to improve their chances for an emotional and spiritual rescue.